Destiny

Hari itu kita dipertemukan bukan tanpa alasan
karena aku percaya, tidak ada kesengajaan dalam hidup ini kini...apa yang kita miliki begitu berharga
mereka tidak mengerti, dan tidak pernah akan mengerti

kau selalu membuatku tertawa
dan aku selalu menantikan leluconmu itu
segala asa hilang oleh gelak tawamu
kau hadirkan kembali senyuman di bibirku di hari itu
kau tak perlu pujian dariku
karna kau telah mengerti aku

kau membuatku berpaling darinya
aku jahat, aku tahu itu
aku hanya manusia hina
aku tak berhak membandingkan dirimu dan dirinya
tapi salahkah aku bila aku memilihmu?

kau hadirkan kembali rasa rindu di hatiku
rasa yang telah hilang
hilang oleh waktu dan ketidakjujuran
hilang oleh keegoisanku dan keacuhannya

kini, kaulah yang selalu ada disana
ada disaat aku bertarung dengan kegalauanku
ada disaat aku terbang dalam kehampaanku
ada disaat aku terbenam dalam tangisanku

kini, kaulah yang selalu membuat jantungku berdegup kencang kupu-kupu itu kembali menari di perutku
apa kabarmu hari ini?
apakah kau memikirkanku seperti aku memikirkanmu?

Tahukah kau...
langit akan mendung bila aku bersedih
matahari akan bersinar bila aku gembira

dalam diam kau berbicara
dalam keheningan kau berteriak
dalam sepi kau menangis

Kupikir aku mengerti

tapi kau tetap dengan diammu
sadarkah kau akan kehadiranku?

senja perlahan takluk
ia kembali ke pangkuan ibu pertiwi
malam kembali datang
ia sudah tak sabar
sang bintang telah siap menerima rembulan

tapi kau tetap dengan heningmu
sadarkah kau bila dirimu masih menari dalam anganku?

kau masih tak tersenyum
walau aku telah memutar dunia ini, untukmu
aku lupa siapa dirimu
kau yang pernah memutar dunia ini, untukku

inikah yang kau inginkan?
inikah mimpimu?

Dream

Hampa....
aku kembali berada di ruang kosong
titik nadir itu...di pelupuk mata
sekelebat bayangan itu kembali merasuki mimpiku

aku hidup dalam mimpi
hidupku adalah refleksi mimpiku
mimpiku terlalu indah
jangan pernah bangunkan aku

kau dan mimpiku
kau selalu berlari
aku letih
kau selalu tertawa
aku menangis
kau selalu dengannya
aku diam
tapi....jangan pernah pergi dari mimpiku

I'm okay (No,i'm not)

Thats so true, when you say..."I'm okay.I will be just fine." but the truth is, you are not okay and you are not fine, everything is such a mess. In my opinion, that is a sign. Sign that show you need someone to share, to cry on, who gonna give a simple hug which gonna make you feel comfort, and many more.

It was happened to me many time. Well, maybe i overreacted, but it's true.

My sister said that i just like an open book, so you dont have to take many effort to
know me or understand me. But, i feel the opposite. I feel like i'm such an introvert person. No one understand me (well,i guess it's my selfish part). No one could.

Kind of my favourite word when people asking me, "are you okay?"...and i will give them an answer, "yeah,i'm okay. Don't worry, i'm gonna be just fine".

Well, i'm not okay actually, but i'm not gonna tell you what happen to me. I will solve it by my own.

Sometime is so damn hurt, when the one whom you expect to care about what happen to you, didn't realize it. You just hope that they gonna undertsand with your silentness, but they don't.

It's written in my face when I have a problem, they know that something happen, but they too scare to ask.Sometime that's good, because i need my own space and peaceful, but in other time,it's not. I want them to ask me. Show that they really care.

One of my weakness is, if my mood in ruin, my whole day gonna be a bad day, and the people around me gonna get the effect. See, i'm not okay. I try hard to change from now....because they don't make a mistake,right?It's my problem, so why should they get my "jerk face"?
I know that i've been ridiculous, and i feel sorry about it. I think that's the reason why they "scare" of me. It's so much better if i show them my happy face, i kinda friendly though,lol.

Well, i will change and gonna be Ms.Nice Guy, i can do it, right?

The more i try harder to forget about him, the more he close to me. Accckkkk....i hate this situation. I don't know what i feel about him. Not exactly,yet. I have this "needy" feeling about him, that's it. You are not mine and i'm not yours. But why it seems that we care about each other.
Honestly, i feel that you turn my life upside down, you make my day. I know maybe you don't feel exactly the same. Maybe i put a high hope. And i can't believe that i think a lot about this whole thing.

Cause there's a time when i feel i can't fight this feeling any longer.

Maybe it's a crush, a thing that always happened to me many times. But this one is more deeper, i guess so.

Thanks Boss...

I have a nice chat with my boss this afternoon.
Talk many things...about life,work,principle,colleagues,future and other thing.

Tapi yang paling seru ketika flashback tentang pertama kali saya menginjakkan kaki di Pasir Pangaraian ini....topiknya mulai menghangat.
Cerita tentang bagaimana pertama kali saya bertemu orang yang nantinya (ternyata) menjadi boss saiah,hakhakhak....
Well,honesty is important thing,right?
Ya sudahlah saya jujur apa adanya,bahwa saya gak nyangka si bapak ini adalah seorang boss.Jujur pada waktu itu aura dan gesture'a sama sekali tidak menggambarkan itu.
Awalnya sih si bapak cuma cengar cengir ajah,habis saya selesai bicara baru deh semua 'terbongkar',hakhakhak....

Dont't judge a book by its cover.
Jangan menilai buku dari sampulnya.
Kalimat ini memang sering diucapkan,dan sangat gampang.
But from my boss story and honesty....its like he gave me punched in the face.
Ternyata saya seperti itu sebelumnya.

In my defense,i guess in everyone gonna have same thought as me when they are in my position.

Saya jelaskanlah kondisi waktu itu gimana.
Terus saya jelaskan bagaimana gambaran saya tentang si bapak berubah ketika melihat dia untuk kedua kali....dengan seragam komplit.
Well,like i said...man in uniform is different,they look good,tough,elegant and stunning,lol.
A man with authority.

I admit,i was wrong.I judge a book by its cover.
Saya salah,saya akui itu.
Saya dapat kritik yang sangat membangun.
Sebenarnya ini yang saya tunggu dari boss saya yang satu ini.
Udah berapa kali dipancing-pancing tapi belum juga dimakan umpannya,hakhakhak...
Finally.....^_^

Terima kasih untuk pelajaran berharga hari ini bapaaaakkkk...
Untuk menjadi manusia yang lebih baik,saya masih harus belajar banyak.
Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu,saya yakin saya akan berubah ke arah yang lebih baik.

Another advice from him....
"Change your weakness and make it become your strength.
You don't have to be other people,just being yourself,like what you are now.
You have your own own trademark,keep it,cause that make you different from others.People will remember you because of that things.
Keep the idealism as long as i can.
Let everything flow like the water in the river.
Don't dive too deep,just swim in the surface."


Thanks again boss.

Bluurrrggghhhh....

Sometimes....I just hate myself
My selfishness
My arrogance

I'm too proud to lose
I dont want people underestimate me

Why i pretend that everything is okay?
Cause it is not
Its my poker face
Its not my true colours
Why its hard for me to admit that you are that good?
I feel so sorry

It's not wroth that much to me
If losing out is what it means
To swim in shallow victory
Is empty, empty
It's just not worth the price
It's only a fools paradise

Do I have to put up a fight?
Do I have to always be right?
Please....don't leave me alone...

That's how it goes
When I feel so sad I feel so low
Life seems so bad I know, I know
That's how it goes

I have a lot of weakness
I admit that
I try hard to be a better person
I will be a better person
Maybe i look tough,but if you see deeper...im so fragile.

I'm gonna make a change,
It's gonna feel real good,
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right . . .

Dear God help me...hope i'm gonna be wiser and grown up.

Weird Day

Have you ever feel so happy but you don't know exactly what make you feel so freakingly happy?
Well,it was happened to me yesterday.I started the day with no spirit.When i arrived at the office,i felt its gonna be boring and a long day ever.Time flew like water in the river....lol...and i don't know...the happy thoughts came in my mind.There was many jokes,interesting topic and i laughed many times because riddiculous and foolish things happended,lmao.It was made my day.It was the best day in this week.And i couldn't stop smile and laugh till i back home.

Pas nyampe rumah, cerita deh ama teman sekamar saiah bahwa entah kenapa hari itu sangat menyenangkan dan pikiran saiah seneng aja bawaannya,hakhakhak....
Semakin dipikir semakin menyenangkan tapi semakin gak tau juga apa yang dipikir.

What a weird day.But i can say, its good for my health,right?Feel so happy so i can think positive and full of spirit.

Confuse

They says, dont admire people too much,cause they might dissapoint you.Well,its true.
Orang yang selama ini baik bgt, hampir tanpa cacat tiba2 punya sesuatu yg ketika Anda ketahui membuat Anda tiba-tiba merasa sangat marah. Hal ini membuat ngeliat muka tuh org pun males bgt,psycho.Hilang sudah semua kebaikan dan ketulusan yg ada selama ini.Gara2 nila setitik rusak susu sebelanga.Waktu itu gak ada orang yg bisa jadi pelampiasan kemarahan saiah,akhirnya ngedumel2 sendiri.That thing really ruined my days.Why...?Why this thing happened to people i care?

But,in my case...i was wrong (maybe).Awalnya emang tuh masalah bikin kesel bgt,hampir ajah tuh orang masuk dalam blacklist'a AMIE AKBARI as most hate people in the world because his/her secretly habit.Tp sempet kepikiran juga klo itu mungkin bukan sepenuhnya salah tuh orang.Mungkin itu gak sengaja dan even dia pun gak tau.Trus saiah kumpulin deh semua barang bukti, trus nanya ke orang2 yg lebih dulu mengenal dia.

After i asked many people,and found many evidence,i got the conclusion, he's not guilty.Well,i feel relief.
Please,don't ever change, cause you dont like other people.And its not appropriate thing for you.
If i care to someone, i'll do anything to protect him/her.